


i ain't feeling what you're feeling (and i'm feeling pretty sorry for it)

by bihenry



Category: Henry Danger (TV)
Genre: Minor Character(s), Other, just my lesbian queen whats new, me subtly dragging henry for 1 straight story, spoiler shes a LESBIAN, the jasper tag is just bc of cactus con
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-04
Updated: 2019-08-04
Packaged: 2020-07-30 20:49:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,122
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20103418
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bihenry/pseuds/bihenry
Summary: i know when there's a will there's a way (but baby put that will away) // aka there's a reason patina ghosted jasper in my dinner with bigfoot.





	i ain't feeling what you're feeling (and i'm feeling pretty sorry for it)

_almost everything she's ever seen has been on a screen_.

no, not her entire life ---- she has her parents, and her younger brother, but she's allergic to air. it's not exactly take a pill and be okay.

yeah, that complicates_ a lot_ of things. everyone is nice about it, though.

sometimes it feels like it's fake (it can't be .. or so she hopes). people can't be mad at her for something she can't control. there's tings of guilt in her stomach when she lays awake at night. her poor family has to accommodate her. how fair is that?

it feels safer in the screen and privacy of her own home. it feels like she's a girl in a bubble, where nothing can hurt her and nothing can take her away from her safe haven, no matter how much she longs to get out of these four walls of her home like a dog wants to get out of a kennel.

her thoughts are safe inside her mind. her fantasies of holding hands with another girl, even though probably never possible in her actuality, stay safe in the hidden corner of her mind. 

and yeah, she can feel the stares even through the screen of her monitor as she attends school. if you could even call it attending, but hey, she takes what she gets. it's hard for her to take a real look at them. it's different when it's through a screen. no, not really in there eyes (or maybe _yes?_) it feels like they see right through her. how she makes eye contact --- through the screen --- with the girls, how she watches them walk away as her assistant (she's never learned how to really properly address the woman) and her eyes maybe linger a bit too long. she's just watching. there's nothing wrong with that, patina figures. everyone watches each other. there's a reason reality tv is so popular and she's known to be a fan of some herself. it's not like she likes them.

* * *

everyone dates in high school. or at least in swellview. there's always rumors about how is dating who and who is hooking up and who is breaking up. 

henry hart is a player, she feels. and in the back of her mind it's almost _odd_ how people seem so attracted to him. like .. yeah, he's cute in a puppy dog kind of way. she wants to scratch him behind the ear, not kiss him. maybe that's why all his other girlfriends went to the woods? there's gotta be something there, patina figures. maybe he's a bad kisser? maybe he's just an idiot? she watches the girls come up to him, in the lunch room in the back, with her assistant. 

same with kid danger. isn't it funny how they both look so alike? the world's crazy, she thinks.

jasper dunlop isn't her first choice as her first 'date' (in fact, if you ask the tiny little little sliver of her real thoughts, you'd know it'd actually be _ashley_ in her science class), but he's nice enough and if she tries hard enough, she can like him like _that_. 

fake it 'til you make it works for everyone. and she's different, maybe, but who isn't? 

* * *

being in her house for her entire life leaves a lot of free time. she's considered running a blog, maybe one that does reviews, but then again what's the point? she'd never be able to really live her life that way. watching fake people on a screen for movie reviews, and looking at pretty girls for red carpet reviews. the latter doesn't sound so bad. 

but in the night, when everyone in her house is asleep, patina lays awake.

it's a common occurrence when she gets stir-crazy. and if she's honest, that's always.

she dreams about things and she's not sure why. there's always a guy and a girl: she's got to choose. and the ending is always the same. she ends up hand in hand, manicured nails on both hands clasped together. 

* * *

it's little things that her brother notices. 

the way she has pictures of female celebrities on her phone. (_they're for outfit inspo, dude!_)

the way she watches a bit too closely when in a movie they're watching together, any moment skin is shown by a woman. pg-13 movies can get away with a lot of stuff. 

the way she gets flustered when even mentioning a pretty girl: her face going red, the almost defensive nature in her tone.

the way she stands up for the community with a passion that can only be matched for her love of fashion.

he doesn't mention it. he knows when she's ready to say something, she's ready to say something.

* * *

he invites her to cactus con. and it's glorious, stepping one foot in front of her other outside of her house. it feels like a bird with a broken wing, being set free for the first time after being healed. but she's not healed and yet again she's trapped in a bubble. yeah, it's for her own good but it feels so suffocating. just like the thoughts in her head about how much she did this to not spend time with jasper (no malicious intent .. but she can't pretend. he's a great guy, great kid, but she's also seen the way he looks at henry and thinks: maybe it's the same thing. the same way she looks at girls.

it feels like it is.

kid danger is there, but he's a lousy hero. why are women always the ones fixing things?

it's become a pattern.

and is there a reason charlotte doesn't have a relationship yet? like, okay, henry may be entirely head over heels for her ... but come on, patina would if even given the chance. she's smart, gorgeous and honestly, deserves better.

and then her day is ruined --- the hospital staff is expectantly in over their heads and _she nearly dies,_ but it's fine. 

* * *

there's a reason she ghosts jasper.

and she feels awful about it, truly, but she can't pretend. 

so she leaves him to wonder and part of her hopes that this doesn't hurt as much as her conscious is making it feel like it will. _he'll be devastated, he'll hate her._

but he doesn't. 

and no one else will, either, she notices, when she comes out to her parents by simply saying: i like girls. in fact they all seem rather .. unsurprised? was she that obvious?

and when she joins the LGBT+ alliance at school? well ... there's quite a few familiar faces there.

it's comforting and _great_.

yeah, her life is through a screen is safe. but she'd take happy and proud over safe and hidden any day.

**Author's Note:**

> patina: exists in canon for 2 episodes  
me: hm here's a oneshot about her realizing she's a lesbian. enjoy
> 
> tbh this is a lot of word vomit and i know it doesn't make sense and i feel like i fucked up the timeline a bit but i don't care and i wrote it after midnight and we all know nothing i write makes sense period. so like ... enjoy i guess lol 
> 
> also hc that the entire squad is in the lgbt+ alliance at school fight me


End file.
